Math of Life

Do you know that our lives are surrounded by mathematical equations? Well...maybe you should take a look at these and decide for yourself whether they all ring true :)



ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


A successful woman is one who can find such a man.





HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.


To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



LONGEVITY


Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.




A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.




DISCUSSION T! ECHNIQUE




A woman has the last word in any argument.




Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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Morals of Life... nice cartoons...

I don't feel like writing any intro this time. So, just enjoy the pics!


What it seems to be might not be what it is...


Follow the leader, and you'll become one...


Act on your greed, suffer by your deed...



Creativity might sounds silly, but it can save your belly...



Okay, I gave up. What's the moral of this one, again?

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Laws Newton forgot to mention

There are laws in life that are inevitable. No matter how you tried to explain it logically, it will always occur the other way around.

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

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Summary of My Last Year on the Computer

I NOW HAVE TO:

1. Scrub the top of every can I open.

2. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

3. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

4. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and God has granted my every wish.

5. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

6. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day!

7. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

8. I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

9. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

10. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

11. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

12. I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.19.

.


13. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle.

14. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

15. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

16. I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

17. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

18. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

19. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!




If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.


I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's barber.



Have a Wonderful Day!!!

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Coffee Cup

Story 1: Coffe or Cup?

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and in life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.



When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, theprofessor said: "If you noticed, all the nice lookingexpensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, and that is the source of your problems and stress.




What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eye-ing each other"s cups.


Moral:

Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life and do not change the quality of Life. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee, God has provided."

So, don"t let the cups drive you; enjoy the coffee instead



Story 2: Millions of Stars

A manager and an engineer go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the engineer wakes his manager friend. "
Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The manager replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

The manager ponders for a minute.

" Astronomically speaking, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately
a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have
a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The engineer is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".



Moral: It's not about how much you know about everything. It's about how you can make use of what you know to help your situation

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Office Life... Funny Cartoons

For those like me who has an office job, office the place where we really spend most of our life. We've been at the office more than we've been in our home, without considering our sleeping time.
And here's something that might remind you of the office life. whether it rings true or not, it's worth your time pondering. Enjoy!

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